Somehow.. therez a hole in my heart...

ok.. not my heart.. but i'll get back to that later..

anyway.. i'm stoned now.. have not slept for 23 hrz or so..

came back from Jakarta this morning, after spending a night there.. arrived in the late afternoon, and headed down to Plaza Senayan in town right after checking in, with Ahmad, Sabrina and an old friend of mine, a 747 pilot, Gin.. who coincidentally flew in for a cargo flight for the first time there.. we used to club and hangout together abd 6 or 7 yrz back.. and have not met since..

nothing to buy in Senayan actually.. Ahmad and Sabrina went on their way to get their stuffs, so me and Gin went around looking at Indonesian chics and had a very nice nutella with peanut crepes with Teh Sosro, the most popular drink among the indonesians.. or also known as Tehbotol.. and walked around Kinokuniya and sat down at Starbucks for coffee while waiting for the other 2..

got back to the hotel at abt 7pm, and sat by the pool with Gin, and soon after, were joined by Lawrence, Kenny, Joyce and Sabrina.. had our wines at the poolside while battling with the mosquitoes..

we stayed in a nice resort hotel.. surrounded by so many plants and a big lake, itz always a losing battle with the buzzers.. like.. WTH they called it? mozzies? yeah rite.. doesnt it sound cool? prolly was thought abt by some middle aged govt officer.. mozzie.. heh.. i'ld call them MOSQUITOES still..

here'z a pic from the poolside..



thatz not the lake that i mentioned.. thatz a SWIMMING POOL.

we got hungry and went on for the dinner buffet.. i think itz more of sashimi and sushi buffet for me coz thatz the only section i attacked that nite..

after arriving in singapore this morning, i went down to Funan to get a haircut at KImage..

went down to Tampines, and coincidentally, met Andrew and Wily again.. even when we dont plan on it, we will still end up meeting. 2 days ago, met Alwi at Tampines Mall.. same thing.. coincidentally, i will end up meeting my close friends.. heh.. we should start thinking of other places to hangout in rather than TM..

ok.. now.. backtracking..

on my birthday, i spent the nite with my family and cousins in Johore.. Andrew and Wily came down too and we sat down at the coffeeshop across the road from midnite till 2am.. ogling at hindustani actresses on the small tv at the stall.. *ME?? LOOKING AT HINDUSTANI GIRLS??*

i have to admit that this girl in the movie is really really really pretty.. and no one seems to recognise her.. somehow nowadayz i do get attracted to Pakistanis and Hindustanis.. i think, genetically, we all are programmed with it.. and going back to our roots is the more natural way..

i had a nice time there in Johore with all of them.. and my 6 nieces (my cousins' daughters) were there too.. and i'm gonna talk abt one of them here..

anyway, herez a pic of the 5 of them..



thatz Yani, Zeenath, Yana, Nazira and Aisha.. couldnt get a pic of Leha coz she was too bz making coffee for us..

anyway, i made it really really really small so all u asses wont be messaging me to ask abt them.. they are a bunch of pretty girls.. so just take my word for it.. and they have a murderous uncle.

let's talk abt the #3 in the pic, Yana..

she's like what.. 19 now? or 20?.. something like that lar.. they all grew too fast for me to keep track of their age.. i cant even keep track of mine..

anyway, when she was born, she was a cute, fair and biteable little baby.. but somehow she was very weak, and few months after that.. whenever she cries, she turns blue..

when she was 6 months old, she was diagnosed to have a hole in the heart.. a blue baby, as what they termed it..

docs told us that she had abt 6 months to live and therez nothing they can do coz she was too small to undergo a heart surgery.. so we resort to traditional stuffs.. though i'm not much a believer of it, this one is really cool..

she survived the 6 months deadline.. DEADLINE.. what a word..

anyway, she survived thru the years.. but she was unable to walk coz she was too weak.. till she was 5, when she went thru a surgery to place a pacemaker in the heart..

she died for a while once, when she was 12.. and her mother performed CPR on her, refusing to give up.. and she woke up and cried..

she had gone thru 5 or 6 major cardiac surgery..

recently, she went into a coma for several days... coz her latest surgery came up with a certain complication that left her lungs filled with fluids which the STEWWWWWWWWWPIDDDDDDDDD docs should have removed, but failed to do so.. and misdiagnosed the event as being insignificant.. till she lost conciousness..

she's an intelligent girl.. accepted into uni, but unable to go coz of her condition.. and her dad refused to let her go thru it coz she might not be able to take the physical and mental stress.. which i think is justified..

she lived thru her life being sickly, in and out of surgery, never had a boyfriend coz she dont really go out due to her sickness.. and she's very thin.. VERY VERY thin..

when i look at her, i wonder what goes thru her mind.. we all know that her lifespan is not gonna be as long as the rest of us, and she knows that too..

and why is she the only one who suffers from all these while the rest of us are enjoying our own lives.. why does she have to go thru the pain, and the surgery, and the complications and limitations..

but rarely do i see her without a smile.. and i had never heard her complaining abt it... really.. NEVER.. she took her condition in her strides, and accept it as a natural part of life..

i wonder whether she had ever thought abt the fact that itz NOT natural.. and it seemed unfair for one person to suffer so much in a short lifetime..

but every test thatz given comes with grace.. therez always a pot of gold hidden somewhere..

i dont think i can be as strong as she is if i am in her position. i might prolly have died of crack OD.

i'm heading down to Sydney today to meet up with my brother, sis in law AND THE FIVE KIDS!! YEYYYYYYYYYYY..

Happy Birthday To Me!

ah.. ok.. another year older..

i'm 33 years old today. and never felt better.

just got back from Amritsar, India, in the state of Punjab. had an interesting flight..

Amritsar is like the holy land for Sikhs.. where the scriptures of Sikhism is kept in the Golden Temple.. takes abt 6 hours to fly up there.. and according to our tour guide, Sunny, Punjab is made of 60% Sikh, 30% Hindu and the remaining are Christians and Muslims..

i'll post up some pics of the temple below..

Spent a day going for 2 tours, first to the Golden Temple, and later in the evening, headed down to the border of Punjab and Lahore, Pakistan, to watch the changing of the Guards.

Sikhs are very friendly actually.. and the temple is open to everyone.. and u can even have some free makan.. chapati and vegetarian gravy..

herez some pics of the temple..



Damn.. itz all marble..



Me with Golden Temple in the background.. i dont think i am THAT fat in real life.. damn damn damn..



having some chapati with Jesslyn and Tina..



the Chapati makers..

we were plagued by lots of child beggars on the street.. such a pitiful sight.. if u want to give them the money, itz at ur own risk.. if u give one, therez 10 who will swarm you.. and before u know it, a million more will come to u...



the streets of Punjab.. quite similar to other parts of India..

one of the stewardesses actually experienced this.. i'll talk abt her later..

came across a very pretty child beggar with light brown eyes and bronze skin and bronze braided hair.. just born at the wrong place.. the crew were so attracted to her that some mentioned that wished they could adopt her.. such a cute girl..



here's our cute little Miss Punjab.. sad, isnt it?

headed back to the hotel for lunch after that, and left for the border to watch the changing of the guards..

this event takes place EVERY DAY. gosh.. and they cheer EVERY DAY. they march and bang their feets and shout chants at each other EVERY DAY.

these ppl must be god damned bored.

but itz actually quite interesting to watch it once. just once.

itz a colourful event. my heart was with the pakistanis, for obvious reasons. but i was sitting at the Indian side of the event.



the guards..



check out Mr Sergeant's moustache.. erkz..



entrance to the gates..



see the pakistani's side of the border from here..

the event is a very friendly event between the two sides. they coordinated their moves and marches together, between the pakistanis and the indians. and the chants that they shouted were basically friendly..

and who said they are at war?

i just got back from this flight. and it was nice knowing that the crew acknowledged my birthday.. and received numerous messages when i got back.. ah.. i'm still loved.. ;)

ok.. letz talk abt the stewardess that i mentioned about earlier..

her name is Natali.. one of the senior stewardesses, 8 years flying..

she was too touched by the child beggars.. and instead of giving them money, she went out of the way to bring 4 of the children across the road to buy them shoes instead.. but of course.. on the way out, another 5 kids approached her..

she spent time talking to the kids, and she was sad not being able to help them all.. she gave alms to those before she left..

remember the story abt the boy who threw the starfishes from the shore back into the sea? u might not be able to save ALL the starfishes, but the one that u did manage to save, will live.

thatz how she saw it..

as she said, the one that she helped will at least get to eat for that day..

when we had our lunch yesterday, at the end of the meal, she packed the remaining untouched food in a take away doggy bag, went out of the hotel and approached a trishaw rider and gave him the food..

interesting person. she had just converted to christianity recently after being a buddhist.. but this character had been her character all along i guess.. naturally nice.. she had the same character while working.. a natural caregiver..

let's talk about poverty..

thank your lucky star that u are not living in such poverty.. itz quite a common sight in places like india and indonesia.. these kids live in a much harsher conditions compared to what we grew up in.. so stop whining.

some food for thoughts.. maybe i'm just getting too old that things like this caught my attention.. damn.

Stupid as a Stupid does..

well.. had a nice day today.. after a traumatising evening..

got home at abt 5+ in the morning..

fetched my mom at her workplace at 5, and had prata at the prata cafe near bt timah.. evans rd, near to NIE.

chilled out with my old friends after so long not doing so.. Alfan called me today out of the blue and asked to lepak together.. so i called the rest of my old friends, meraj, wily, andrew.. and we all have known each other for at least 10 yrz..

my sister came to my place at abt 6pm, and at 7+ i went down to her place.. sigh.. i'll talk abt this a bit later..

fetched wily at his block, before visiting my sis' place.. and after that, we headed down to coffee bean @ plaza by the park.. where yazid my guitarist, was working.. and holy shit.. this outlet is KOSHER!

just imagine.. a whole outlet dedicated to jews..

ok.. anyway, met alfan there.. with one of his colleagues, nina.. whom i have met before coz she used to help out at her friend's jamming studio at king george ave..

volvic and his friend, terence, who is a cabin crew as well, came slightly after us... and meraj joined us there at 10+ after his gym session..

so we hangout till 11pm, when the outlet closes, and headed down for sheesha at amirah's, which is next to el sheikh.. met alwi and radiah there... but radiah had to leave coz she wasnt feeling well..

at abt 1.30, we left.. and i was supposed to send alfan and meraj back to the west, as promised.. but ended up having supper with them, and wily and alwi at alif's at bt batok..

sat down talking abt islam and talked abt spirits and death and jin and i think all of us got freaked out..

sent alwi and wily home after that.. and it was really nice hanging out with my old friends after so long.. and we had maintained friendship for a decade.. and these ppl are my "troubleshooters".. having gotten me out of shitz for as long as they know me.. and trust me.. i always get into trouble..

they got me out of my girl problems, troubleshooting situation when needed.. which was quite often for a single lifetime.. they got me out of times when i get stalked by gays and cross dressers..

lots of times..

anyway.. letz talk abt what happened at my sis' place.. i fetched wily along the way to her place.. and let me say some unkind words abt my siblings..

a lot of them screw their lives up..

my real dad married 4.. my mom was the 3rd one.. so from the 1st stepmom, i had 1 elder brother, with 3 elder sisters.. and ALL of them, save for the 2nd one.. screwed their lives.. and that is coz the 2nd one is mentally retarded.. she was said to have contracted a high fever when she was a baby and that destroyed her brain.. sad story.. and i love her very much.. she's the sanest of them all.. so she's like 40 with a mentality of 1.

ok... letz talk abt the rest of them..

the first one.. my elder brother.. he's like 43 now i think.. used to run a multi million dollars entertainment company called Journey Promotions.. and those who grew up partying in the 80s would know abt them.. and he left Journey coz he wanted to turn to religion.. which he did.. but he screwed his life up with taxes and bankruptcy and all.. but he's doing ok now.. bringing his life back on track.. i hope.. but his record of doing business and borrowing money.. and i dunno whether he cheats or not.. but then again, thatz HIS problem and not mine.. we had never been close.. and i dont think i bother to be close anyway..

second one is the mentally retarded one..

third one.. i'll talk abt her and her family later..

fourth one.. married when she was 28.. i think she's almost 40 now.. but a few months after the wedding, her husband overdosed himself on drugs and turned into a vegetative state.. destroyed his brain which wasnt utilised much to begin with.. and therefore she left.. officially divorced.. i think..

i had never liked the idiot from the beginning anyway.. he tried to portray himself to be very religious.. but was arrested for touting before his OD.. and still tried to show that he was religious still afterwards.. what a piece of crap.. anyway, i had never cared abt him and i dont think i do now too..

i have another sister from the second stepmother.. that one too had her life screwed up.. but it wasnt her fault anyway.. she just happened to marry another idiot..

ok... letz talk abt the 2nd sis now..

i had warned wily before we go up to her place.. that my sister lives in poverty.. but her poverty was brought upon her own laziness..

itz not nice to wash dirty linens in public.. but hell.. this is my blog and i can wash any linens that i want.. so herez the story..

she had always been lazy.. married a guy who was a sweeper with HDB.. low paid.. but nice fella.. but god damned stupid..

stupid as a stupid does..

he mixed with the wrong company.. and went out of the religion by following a stupid cult who believes that their prophet comes from india.. yeah.. rite..

for those who doesnt know.. that stupid cult is called Qadiani..

anyway.. his story ends there..

and my sister.. she's known to be lazy anyway.. she's like.. almost 40.. and have 4 kids.. the eldest one is doing his national service as a provost.. and was thinking of doing some further studies if his application to do office hours duty gets approved.. and he's quite a nice fella.. and it is surprising, considering that he comes from THAT family and he wants to do something with his life..

number 2.. will talk abt him in a short while..

number 3.. a boy, in pri 6.. slow in his studies.. but i think he could still be saved..

number 4.. a girl.. in pri 2.. a normal child.. just a lil bit hyperactive.. but she seems ok..

ok.. letz talk abt number 2.

he's now 17.. and couldnt read or write anything.. well.. ok.. if he cant read, he cant possibly write anyway..

grew up on the streets.. and the last time i saw this boy was when he was 14 when my sister complained to me abt him.. running away from home.. and he hit his mother back when she beat him up.. i dont know for whatever reasons.. but i dont think even Saddam's torture cell would change this incorrigible fella..

he now have a blond hair, talks back to anyone that tries to correct him.. and to my surprise, he spots some tattoos on his body..

i caught him several times before when he ran away from home a few years back.. and i think he still fear me.. but i'm at the point where i dont bother abt them anymore..

several years back, we tried to help my sis out by getting her some jobs.. but she will always have complains abt everything and will quit working after several days.. and her only way out that time was calling me every so often to borrow money.. i really dont mind giving it to her, which i had often did.. if she would just work.. just do something..

but of course.. she dont bother to. she's more interested in chatting on the Net. bloody hell. 4 kids and u want to chat on the Net?

get a job. thatz the beginning of the solution to ur problem.

their house is in a despicable state.. so much so that i remembered my ex gf getting traumatised after visiting them several years back. and yes MsHongKong/leila/cat, it is still like that.. just that they now have 2 working bulbs at home, and therez electricity.. and coz itz hari raya season, she swept the floor.

we used to have to wear shoes in that house. the walls, from the entrance door, till the end of the kitchen, and all the rooms, were full of graffitis.. which reminds me of the hyroglyphs in the ancient egyptian tombs, but much worse than the ghettos in brooklyn and bronx and queens, combined. i had suggested thru the years for them to do something abt that place.. but the excuse is always the same.. therez no point doing it coz it will get dirty anyway.. damn.

the doors of the kitchen cabinets had some parts broken, so it hangs from a single hinge, for the past few years.

she have 2 teenage sons. but none of them bother to do anything abt that sty of a house. damn.

and the best thing to know was that, part of the graffiti was done by the 17 yr old, writing whatever that looks familiar to him.. especially the vulgarities..

i wonder why ppl just wouldnt work for a proper home.. if i ever get married.. i wanna be a perfect husband. perfect father. and build a perfect, CLEAN, proper, loving home. and based on Islam. i wanna raise my kids to be the perfect muslims. and no, we wont have any guns or bombs.

i intend to marry only once. and thatz it.

*IF* i ever get married, that is.

and that will be the point where life turns.

some chinese believe that when u were born, therez a string ties u up to ur future partner. no matter when or where or how, u'll be together. i just hope that mine dont tie me up to a tree. i'm tired of barking.

All That Jazz

ah.. another day of Rayaing..

anyway, supposed to jam with the guys from 12 to 1.. but i woke up at 11.30am.. so rushed down to yishun and arrived at 12.15..

so we jammed from 12.30 to 1.30.. got a few songs in place.. and wanted to write a jazz tune.. but it turned out to be very close to bossa nova.. so wait till we complete the song then i'll post it up in the pirates web..

yazid wrote a very nice song btw.. a malay indie song.. so we'll try to complete that song soon too..

after the jamming session, went down to yazid's place.. with din, hamdy, usman, and 2 of yazid's friends, yana and linda..

herez a pic of us taken there..



after yazid's place.. we went off to usman's place.. and had another round of food..

left at abt 5pm, and i headed down to is+huang's place (the crew that i did seoul/san francisco with).. in sengkang.. met up with some of my crew friends there..

left is+huang's place at 6.30, and went home.. my cousin (kak midah) and her husband was there.. and we headed down to another cousin's place (lin) till 8.30 and headed down to jurong west ext to another cousin's place (abg nordin).. and watched XXX 2..

left for home at abt 11pm..

ok.. i know this is getting draggy.. but itz 3am and i have no idea what else to blog now.. and i'm boring myself to death with this too..

Still at the Hari Raya topic..

had a tiring.. but a nice day..

woke up in the afternoon.. and had streams of ppl coming in..

some of my relatives arrived at abt 3pm.. and alwi came down ard that time too.. too many ppl outside so we slacked in my room smoking sheesha and playing chess.. ok alwi.. i lost.. yeah..

some other relatives came down, so made it quite impossible to sit at the living room.. and some of my bandmates (din, hamdy, umi and shida)arrived at 4+.. so all of them slacked in my room too.. listened to mp3s and surfed the net..

alwi left soon after.. and abt half an hour later my relatives and my mom's ex colleagues left.. so we slacked in the living room, smoking sheesha again..

thru that time, several other ppl came and left.. though i dont really know who they are.. i think that we are somehow related..

yazid and usman came soon after..

herez the pics of the band..



somehow.. a trucker's cap dont really go well with baju melayu.. lol..

my brothers, azman +wife + kids, and azlan + fiancee and my stepmom arrived at abt 6..

my brothers, azman and azlan, with shasha, azman's daughter..



yeah yeah.. we look different.. we have different moms, gawddammit..




shafik and shasha

at about 10pm, we left.. i sent the girls home to jurong, and went to seletar reservoir with hamdy, ajid, usman, din, and one of their friends, zul, and a guitar.. we slacked at the reservoir side, with hundreds of other ppl and cars and motorbikes and ah bengs and ah lians and mats and minahs.. i might be the only indian there.. and we played guitar and practiced acoustics for the jamming session tmrw..



and yeah.. will be jamming with the guys only tmrw, for an hour..

therez an interview with radio singapore international (RSI) next week.. dunno for what..

and we are playing in a gig coming up on 11th dec.. at some CC.. with some other ska bands, oi bands and punkrock bands.. i dont know the details.. will post it up when i do.. i have to change away a perth flight for an off day to play in that gig..

so.. today was full of sheesha and shasha and shida and sheletar.. damn.. i'm sooooooo like running out of ideas for an end of a blog posting..

and Home Sweet Home.. again..

well.. i'm home again.. it is always nice to be back..

anyway.. herez a pic of autumn in seoul, taken from my hotel room, just before i checked out of hilton..



beautiful, isnt it?

anyway, reached home at abt 2am.. and was surprised to see a distant relative of mine staying in the spare room that we have.. i refer to this lady as my aunt, though i think we dont really have any blood ties.. but history had tied us back abt 23 yrz ago..

i was a kid of 10 back then.. and my parents had just gone thru a divorce.. so for those who doesnt know the actual story of my life.. my DAD now is actually my stepfather.. but he had been so kind and loving since he married my mom 22 yrz back.. and vowed to raise us as best as he could.. and he did.. and therefore, i had never referred to him as a STEPfather.. he's my dad alright..

and so.. 23 yrz back.. my mom was a single parent, taking care of me, my bro and my great grandma, and we didnt have any place to stay.. and was always moving around looking for shelters in her friends' or some "relatives" place, like this lady.. and she took us in though we didnt have real relations.. not that i know of.. but i dont know much abt relatives anyway..

abt 15 yrz back, her husband died. her 2 daughters were married when they were still teenagers, and she's now with a 17 yr old son, whoz working as a cleaner somewhere..

she was chased out of her daughter's place abt a month ago, and didnt have anywhere to stay.. and by coincidence, my mom was looking for her recently as they have not met for a long time.. and so the sad story was told..

and therefore, she's staying here now.. for as long as she wish to.. my mom is glad to have someone in the house anyway when she leaves for jakarta in january..

some ppl take their children as an insurance for old age.. i just wish that my future kids would not leave me at the top of a mountain somewhere when itz my turn to be dependant..

or i shall not have any kids..

i have heard that nurses in homes for the aged are quite cute too..

hopefully they would be.. in 40 yrz from now..

Autumn in Itaewon

i'm in the crew room in Seoul Hilton.. arrived at this station yesterday..

didnt have much sleep ex-San Francisco.. coz i stayed up at the crew room till abt 3.30am, and had a call time at 9am.. so by the time i got back to my room and packed my stuffs, i had abt 4 hours of sleep..

didnt sleep much on flight during the rest either.. i love flights in and out of states.. yesterday, we passed thru alaska and eastern russia.. and the scenery from the top was beautiful.. we passed thru dunes covered with snow.. and ice glaciers.. rows of snow covered mountains..

on certain sectors, while flying into united states.. we could pass thru greenland.. another beautiful sight.. but normally.. we'd be too busy working to enjoy the view..

landed in seoul in the evening, went out for makan with the crew, ismerly and his wife huang, and huey.. whom later i found out that his name is actually donny.. and he changed it to huey just for this flight..

had bulgogi.. what else.. and headed down to areno to spend the rest of the nite..

woke up late today.. had calls for lunch from jehan and huey.. and Is.. but i couldnt wake up..

so when i finally did.. it was abt 2pm.. took a shuttle to itaewon to get a trolley tag for Noris... another surprise of last week.. chatted with her on msn after 1 1/2 yrz.. and she just started training with Silkair.. so she needed a tag for her trolley with her name..

had lunch alone at macdonald's while waiting for the tag to be ready.. and watched the ppl go by..

itz getting colder now everywhere else in the world.. autumn is seeping in fast.. and moving on too fast.. and the shops in itaewon is getting their winter stuffs ready..

the trees are now covered with yellow and brown and red.. and the ground too.. since the leaves are dropping everywhere.. i should have taken some pics just now.. but i didnt.. so i'll see whether i can snap some nice pics of it tmrw..

autumn is really beautiful..

itz abt 20 degrees here.. which is just nice with cool wind blowing.. and the jacket i bought from old navy is just perfect for the weather..

and soon enough, all these will be gone.. the trees are gonna be bald.. and winter in seoul can be really really bad.. with snow everywhere.. and itz too cold to go out and have a nice time.. a month from now, seoul would be too unbearable for me..

i hate the winter in seoul more than anywhere else in the world..

except for winter in china i guess.. now.. that one is bad too..

anyway.. i hate winter.

Fisherman's Wharf

well.. woke up in the morning.. thought of clam chowders at the fisherman's wharf.. called the rest.. and they were too stoned to wake up..

waking up timings always screw up for everyone when we do a states flight.. itz like 18 hours behind singapore and itz hard to be awake whenever u want to be awake..

anyway, slept again, and woke up at 12 noon.. called jehan and the mainland twins (they are not really mainland twins.. not even related to each other.. hui is a girl and huey is a guy.. unrelated).. only jehan could be awake to go to the wharf..

so we did.. went makan at the siam restaurant at the hotel first.. and when we got to the wharf.. we walked around and went into several shops..

here's the pics i took at the wharf..



i saw brat pitt and angelina jolie!



their wax replicas i mean.. at the wax museum..



me with some newfound friends at pier 39 at the fisherman's wharf..



with the golden gate bridge in the background..



for Forrest Gump fans.. We're here at the end of the Pier.. Forrest

anyway.. had some crepes and coffee with Jehan at the pier before we head back to the hotel.. and had dinner at The Cheesecake Factory..

for those who dunno anything abt it.. Cheesecake Factory is quite an upperclass restaurant at the top of Macy's in front of Union Square..

we exchanged our lovelife stories and hmm.. i think she had it worse off than me..

anyway, she recently started a relationship with another crew.. and the guy seemed to be genuinely in love with her.. but somehow, due to a past relationship, she had problems trusting..

which one is better.. loving and losing? or never to love at all?

i think i'll choose the latter..

why would someone get into a relationship to control someone else?

would controlling ur partner means that u love ur partner? or u love urself? u might love urself too much that u want ur partner to conform to u..

i had lived 2 weeks short of 33 yrz.. and i dont think i need ppl to come up and tell me how to live my life.. not only that.. I HATE IT..

and trust me.. people had tried.. time and again.. and honestly? i'll make my move if i'm being suffocated..

if u love someone.. let them go when itz time to do so.. u can love someone from afar.. and if u can do that, u are truly loving that person. if u want to possess that person, u are loving urself and ur possessions.

Golden Gate

hey hey.. i'm in san francisco now.. in the crew lounge having coffee and cigarettes..

anyway.. nothing much had happened for the past few days.. was in seoul yesterday..

landed at 3pm just now in san francisco.. had lunch at the siam restaurant, and walked ard downtown for a while.. bought myself a thin winter jacket and a long sleeved t-shirt from old navy's..

A & F not having sale.. so itz not worth buying anything.. a simple t-shirt cost 59.90! US dollars some more! jeez..

might prolly head down to FCUK tmrw.. i saw a small sign stating "SALE Available Inside" outside the entrance just now.. but just too tired to go in..

gonna wake up early tmrw morning to go up to the fisherman's wharf with (probably) jehan, hui and huey..

hui and huey.. heh.. sounds like some mainland twins, don't they?

Cangkareng

hmm... i just got back from jakarta.. reported in the morning and came back in the afternoon.. so in time to celebrate the second day of hari raya..

anyway, had a nice day yesterday.. started off quite late after slacking at home watching tv.. my close friends, firdaus (wily) and andrew (volvic) came down at abt 5..

after that, a stream of guests kept coming till after midnight..

anyway, slacked off at home with wily and volvic.. and the three of us.. 3 single, unattached bachelors.. having ZERO problems in relationships and shitz like that..

as much as girls would think that there are no nice men around.. and the perfect guy is either taken or gay.. isnt that what they say? we think that therez no sane women around. except for all our mothers.. yes.. including urs.. whoever u are.. mothers are ok.. but a lot of women are psychotic, possessive, and they just love to intrude..

during the flight, had a conversation with the crew.. since we didnt have much things to do as it was almost an empty flight..

to the women whoz reading this 2 cents crap of mine..

guys dont like to be nagged at. we dont like to be controlled.. we dont like our lives to be intruded. unless we are married then we have no choice but to attempt a happy home.. if itz just a relationship, DONT TRY.

i have met married friends of mine.. and if they are women.. once they find out that i am not married.. they'll go.. zul.. u should get married.. itz nice having a family.. blablablayadayadayada..

and the guys.. once they know that i am not married.. they'll go.. brader.. u are smart xia.. if i know.. i would stay single..

dammit.. itz not like it had happened once or twice.. but at LOT of my married male friends have some regrets getting married.. and if u contrast the pros to the cons.. the cons outweighs it all..

i have a friend of my age, married for 6 yrz, chindian fella with a chinese wife.. and hated his marriage like hell.. no kids, a wife whoz getting less and less of being a friend as the marriage pass.. and he is less of a friend to her as well.. and to consider the situation.. i think i'm ahead in some ways..

i dont have marriage depressions.

i dont get lonely as i have a lot of things to do. if one day, i grow old and wither alone, so will be all those who are married and divorced.. they'll be at the next bed at the old folks home with me.. with their depression along with them..

and *IF* i decide in later years (or months.. depending on what the situation in sydney brings.. ) to settle down.. i think i have the upperhand, of being emotionally stable.. like the rest of my friends of my age.. having a stable career.. and on top of it all, i'm not married and divorced like them..

those who rushed into marriages in the early age of 20somethings, good luck to u..

we live in a world unlike our parents'. they had lesser influence of their days in marriage to stray..

if u had just started living ur life and u wanna cramp someone else within it.. one day it will just break apart coz u know not what life brings..

if u had matured correctly, i think that whatever the future holds will more or less go with the trend of life that u had learnt thru the years..

and for those who thinks that i only like the young girlfriends.. lemme just say.. i love pretty faces and i hate it when women starts to talk abt marriage.. so i stick with those who does not give me pressure to tie myself up in matrimony..

but if i do find the need to settle down, i'll go for a matured woman. i dont like headaches.

itz hard to say goodbye to bachelorhood when u had been loving it so much.. so i guess i'll remain this way...

will be away for 7 days from tomorrow morning.. to seoul and san francisco.. and i'm gonna be having my clam chowder at the fisherman's wharf..

Geylang Bazaar

ok.. i just got back from the bazaar.. again.. and tonite is the last time that they'll ever have it there..

damn.. i dont understand why i enjoy going down there to suffer the heat, pain, sweat and smell from everyone else's sweat.. but i did..

statistics for today..

# of ppl who turned up at the bazaar tonite: 50 million
# of friends i met: 1
# of cute girl(s) i saw: 1

dammit.. i think my friends had all stopped going to the bazaar.. thru the 6 times i was there.. i saw 7 ppl i recognise.. of all the thousands of ppl there..

and thru the 7 times, i can only see 2 cute girls.. weird.. one was abt a week ago, a girl in white, browsing thru the stuffs.. while i was with my mom, din and hamdy..

and tonite.. the only cute girl there was a girl who sold flowers rite at the end of the bazaar.. near to the temple.. and if u think u wanna go there to take a look at her.. too bad.. that was the last of the bazaar.. so goodbye cute girl..

somehow, i realised that most of the beautiful women in the world can be found in Asia.. and i think the population of beautiful girls are mostly in singapore.. but somehow they stopped going to the bazaar.. only mats and minahs..

and i realised that for a long time, it had been hard for me to get WOWED by girls.. i dunno why.. not even these 2 girls that i mentioned.. i dont have the inclination to turn my head to take a second look at these girls.. ok.. maybe a second look at the 2... but not a third..

would the real cute girls.. wherever u are.. please stand up.

Ang Mung Ngay Le Ra Chai

Wishing all my friends, old and new, and those that i have not known yet, Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri.. or thru the words of my Vietnamese friend, Aminah, Ang Mung Ngay Le Ra Chai.. meaning, Celebration at the end of Ramadhan.. yeah.. ok..

anyway, listening to takbir now.. mufti just announced abt 20 minutes ago that tmrw is gonna be raya.. yeayyyyyy.. i love hari raya.. i dont care if i dont do anything on that day.. or if i sleep thru most of it.. i just love hari raya.. the mornings.. when i spend time with my parents.. the ketupat, the rendang.. the serondeng..

hafta go down to jurong west extension, to my cousin's place.. thatz like the other end of the planet, from Tampines.. to take the ketupat the rendang and the serondeng.. they cooked extra for us.. and will be going down to the bazaar for the last time tonite.. to change the songkok that we bought for dad.. and since this is the last bazaar there.. itz gonna be the last time ever..

anyway.. i got back from Sydney the day before yesterday.. spent time with my brother, sis in law, and the kids.. gosh.. i really miss them..

anyway, as usual, my brother will try to matchmake me up with some girl whenever he finds out that i am single.. he questions my sexuality.. so this time, itz with a 27 yr old lebanese girl with blue eyes.. i must admit that she's pretty.. but i hate it when ppl think that i am incapable of getting a girl for myself.. i just wanna be alone.. hmm.. i dont think thatz so hard to understand..

for ppl around me, please understand, I WANT TO BE ALONE. i dont want a relationship.

and with that, Maaf Zahir Dan Batin.

here are some of the pics..

In the kids' room, minutes after i arrived

Me and my niece, Shasha

GO GO POWER RANGERS!